Borders' Panache (Satire)

You've got to smile at this satire purporting to be a letter from Borders' CEO responding to the fact that they won't be carrying a magazine containing the Mohammed cartoons. I love this section:

Let's review. Embassies and other buildings set on fire. People injured and killed for months across the globe. Islamics freaking out everywhere. (Very excitable and childish culture and religion that.) All because some newspaper way up in the corner of Denmark pumps out a few drawings.

And no major US newspapers prints them. No major US media shows them. No real action from the US government other than tongue clucking. And everywhere around the world there has been no significant moment when these whack job Muslims are getting their asses roundly and dependably kicked for rioting.

Nope, there is no place outside of Afghanistan and Iraq where violent Muslims are getting their asses kicked by government or the press.

You want this shit to stop and people able to draw and publish what they want anywhere in the world at any time without being afraid of getting a bread knife in gut from some hyperventilating Islamic idiotarian with a religiously implanted mental disorder? Start getting governments that can grow a pair at home as well as overseas, and start kicking some Muslim ass whenever and wherever this crap gets started. Don't come bitching to me that Borders has to step up and take the hit.

Is it really the case that your guys expect me, after months of watching this global governmental cowardice in the face of Islamic intimidation go down, to pin a big "Kick Me" sign on the backs of every one of my employees? Dudes, I worked in the grocery business for most of my career and if I am the last line of defense here, log off and head for the mountain redoubt with a box lunch because the terrorists have won.

I can't believe that your guys expect me to step up and make my company the front line of defense against the Muslim hordes which, as far as I can see, get a free pass to do whatever they want whenever they show up in groups of like two?

I read the New York Times and the Washington Post and I didn't see these cartoons in those papers. Maybe I missed them. Were they in the Sports section under "Global Riot League Scores Today?" Maybe they were. I can't keep track of who's a coward and who's a hero in this whole thing outside of our troops in Afghanistan and Iraq. All in all, I'm not really getting that safe and secure feeling out of the State Department or the White House these days, you know what I mean?

Like I said, I run a bookstore not an army. You bloggers want the Muslim idiots brought under control so that Free Speech takes place everywhere and not just in the magazine section at Borders? Tell it to the Marines.

In fact it's very similar to what I argue here and here, though done with much more panache than I could ever muster.